“Do you agree to the spouses. ” Certainly! And this day will be the happiest day of our life. We are waiting for this because. So accepted. And what happens in our soul actually? Evidence of ex-new-collapse.
“My future wedding dreamed so many times! I thought out everything to the details-I wanted this day to be unforgettable, ”recalls 28-year-old Lyudmila. – And the day before, a cat died, who lived in our family for 14 years. During the ceremony, everyone thought that I was sympathetic with delight, and I sobbed because of Muska. “. How many brides and grooms during the wedding, like Lyudmila, had to “make a face”, trying to match the triumph of the moment!
And it is unlikely that any of them would have confessed to others-and for himself-in the fact that for some reason they cannot feel this day as “the most beautiful in life”. On the eve of marriage, we are waiting for that blue dream, a fairy tale that we dreamed about since childhood.
A wedding as a climax of happiness – this image, inspired by a collective imagination, is transmitted from generation to generation. And is it possible to at least think that the shadow of doubt overshadows our future memories of this “most radiant day”!
However, there is enough little little things so that everything goes wrong. The absence of one of the relatives, a quarrel with friends, a wine spilled on a dress, lost rings, a delay in the ceremony.
Before us are four testimonies of people who agreed to tell that they really worried on their wedding day. They remember him differently: with irony, humor or sadness. But just not indifferent.
“This is a rehearsal, it is stolen, someday it will be swollen …”
Nina, September 7, 1991
“We were classmates with Andrei, Roman developed violently and was crowned with a decisive explanation during the graduation evening. In the first year we already lived together, in the same apartment with my parents. It was a constant struggle – with the habits, views and family foundations of each other. Everyone tried to break another, subjugate to himself. I succeeded worse.
When we submitted an application to the registry office, I understood that I would not hold out for a long time, but a great desire to become a married woman and to separate from my parents prevailed over common sense.
The day of the wedding was remembered exclusively by the fact that I was afraid of screams “bitter!”, Since she knew that Andrei would never kiss in public and pay tribute to” idiotic traditions “. I did not know how my friends and friends of my parents would look at my nonsense chosen one. I experienced annoyance, shame and resentment in advance – those who condemn, who shrugs or sympathize.
So she wound herself up that she fell into a hysteria from her friend’s soundless remark: “Well, he could have afforded a glass of champagne for such an incident”. In general, most of all I wanted it all as soon as possible, clearly realizing that this first day of our marriage is, in fact, the first step to the breakdown. And on the eve of the wedding, I recorded in the diary: “Well, it’s still stolen, someday it will be. I’m getting married. For three years “. So as a result and it turned out. “
“Only one person knew what really happened in my soul.”
Alena, August 28, 2002
“I do not want to remember this time, but it so happened that I desperately needed money, since I got confused and owed a large amount. A friend suggested introducing me to a childless couple who was looking for a surrogate mother for her child. After a series of checks and examinations, they chose me, and I became an “incubator”.
When the third month of pregnancy went, my father arrived and arranged a wild scandal: he shouted that I would disgrace my family. About duty and about the fact that the child is not mine, I could not tell him in any way, he would just kill me. I sobbed and did not know what to do. And then my friend Tolya simply suggested: let’s sign so that your relatives are calmed down. I sobbed even more and told him about everything. He was not embarrassed and said: we’ll come up with something. Tolya was very sorry for me.
My parents arranged such a wedding to shut up their mouths to all relatives: with a motorcade, a banquet, salute, pigeons, a number for newlyweds in a luxurious hotel. The guests rejoiced, forced me and Tole to kiss, gave gifts, pronounced pathos toasts, danced and eventually fought with the tamad. Parents were satisfied, and Tole and I smiled like mechanical clowns. And I was so grateful to him for the fact that he is the only one among all these people who know what is actually going on in my soul, and he does not care.
The child was born on time. I was sorry to part with him. I don’t even want to tell me what my parents had to lure. We left for another city. I was very worried. And Tolya all this time was nearby, he was my husband, brother, and friend. And we are still together, although we did not get married at all because both wanted it “.
“Who am I kidding?!”
Ravil, January 20, 2001
“My family has never been religious. But the neighbors and the guys at school somehow made me understand the brothers that we were strangers, “black”. Although it did not reach direct conflicts: nevertheless, our parents are indigenous Petersburgers. When I made Anya an offer, she agreed – provided that I will accept baptism and get married to her.
I was baptized, we signed and set a wedding day. Mother and brothers did not come to church. This very upset me. And Anya did not grieve at all. “Well, excellent, they are still not ours,” she said right before the wedding. It seemed like a thunder hit me, and I thought in a panic: “Why am I doing this? Why do I deceive myself, Anya, her God? After all, after her words that my loved ones are “not ours”, I can no longer trust her. For her, I will always be “not ours”! Did I believe her before. “
Maybe it sounds stupid, but in one second I suddenly realized that my relationship with Anya was false from the very beginning: I always followed her, thinking that it was ridiculous not to indulge her sweet whims. But religious marriage is not a whim, but a big responsibility. And I’m not ready for her. Of course, I did not have the spirit to interrupt the ceremony, to escape. Six months later, we broke up. When I remember this day, I want to get drunk and forget everything “.
“And this I have been waiting for seven years?”
Irina, September 17, 2005
“We lived with Sergey together, without signing, seven years, we gave birth to Verochka. It was so good for us, but tired that everyone was asking her daughter why she didn’t have a father’s surname, etc.D. In addition, no one believed (especially my parents, who even refused to come to the wedding – “not so fate we wished with my daughter!”) That we will ever get married. So our decision has grown out of the desire to protect the daughter from questions and make our parents spite.
We went to the registry office several times: they could not apply from the queue. As a result, the wedding coincided with the City Day, there was a continuous holiday and automobile traffic jams around. The day before I washed the floors and stroked outfits, slept for an hour and a half. Then the car broke, did not bring flowers, cakes … I cursed everything – I didn’t want anything anymore!
We were terribly late, I was worried, and as a result, the whole ceremony took two minutes. And so I go out of the registry office with my daughter by the handle and I think: “And that’s all? And this I have been waiting for seven years? Yes, and whether I was waiting-I know that our relations in connection with the appearance of the stamp will not change in any way … ”Of course, since childhood I had some thoughts about what my wedding should be, but not one of them was embodied inlife. But there were so many warm words and congratulations on the part of friends – this is what we just did not expect and were deeply touched. “.
“The wedding cannot pass unnoticed”
Psychologies: Why do we expect something special, extraordinary from the wedding?
Tatyana Rebko: The wedding ritual is one of the first initiation rituals in our life, the holiday of updating, and the transition to the new life stage. Therefore, we attach such exceptional importance to him: this day is a special and certainly solemn.
What explains the fact that the wedding often brings many disappointments?
In dreams, life together is always joy and pleasure. In fact, marriage is also a conjunction, combination of opposites, unity and struggle of male and female.
And all this in order to communicate with a partner, in overcoming difficulties, we gained ourselves. Only on the wedding day do we begin to truly feel that marriage is not just a pleasant walk.
During the ceremony – in the church, the registry office, mosques, the synagogue – we look at our half by other eyes – as a person with whom we have to not only share pleasure, but also be subjected to tests. And most of us are not quite ready for this. In addition, any deviation from the expected happy script – an absurd accident, an awkward toast – knocks us out of the rut, provokes frustration.
Some couples living together for many years refuse to register a marriage. They are afraid of something?
Consciously or not, partners try to insure themselves, not wanting a sad repetition of what they saw, for example, in the family of their parents, friends or in their previous marriage.
That is, registration of marriage is still not an empty formality?
Of course not. Wedding is a sacred moment: even if you came to registration in jeans, but the ritual of connecting your fates cannot pass unnoticed. We giggle when a woman in the registry office wishes us happiness, her formulations may seem condo, but still everyone experiences excitement. Even if we really wanted to remain indifferent, we would hardly have succeeded.
